Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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