I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
