it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My pussy is not your playground.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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