HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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