I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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