Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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