No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Randomize
