mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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