You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
