i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
