i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
