dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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