the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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