I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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