Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
