ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
