When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
