went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
