oh god the rape fog is back!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
