lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
