He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
