Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
