I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
why does every cop we meet know your name?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
