He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
worst night to have a conscience
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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