Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
