Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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