I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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