Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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