My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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