my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
