And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
