so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
