I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
