I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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