Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
