Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
