end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
is that a dick in a sweater?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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