Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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