I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
