I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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