How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
