I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize