you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
