Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Randomize
