I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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