using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
