The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
