R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
pray to the hookup gods
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
