Im at strip club and am horny
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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