I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
