omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
