What a fucking waste of an outfit
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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