Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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