she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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