I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize