so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
