At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
