I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Randomize
