I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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