VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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