so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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