I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
