She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
