I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
