Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
