Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
