you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
