Just fell off a train. Bad.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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