let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
