Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
