Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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