Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
