I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
