They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
ok first of all what the fuck
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
