so explain again why im purple
no
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
