i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
