She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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