Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
