I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
