I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
