Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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