New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm sobbing to NWA
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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