lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
