y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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