I'd wear matching sweaters with you
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
