should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
