hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
