I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
