You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
