I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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