I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
