I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
