Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
