Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
