i think my tv is drunk
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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