operation harelip BJ is a go
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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