dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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