Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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