i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize