I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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