Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
