I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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