i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
