East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
They are going to name an STD after you.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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