If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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