you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
