Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
